Author's Note

This story is for fictional and entertainment purposes only.

It is intended for an adult audience as it contains disturbing images, foul language and a lot of hot sex.

If you are under 18 years of age, please do not continue.

Thank you.

Disclaimer: Black Dagger Brotherhood is the property of J. R. Ward.
No copyright infringement intended.

Prologue

Pulling up to the high rise, holding his hand, I nervously say, “this place is nice.” He looks at me tentatively and winks, grasping my hand a little tighter. As we pull in front, the doorman opens my door and helps me out of the Porsche. He is at my side in an instant, his hand on the small of my back as the doorman opens the door. “Shall we?” and he kisses the top of my head.

We ride the elevator up to the penthouse. He and I eye each other and I know we are both thinking the same thing. He smirks. The door opens and in the hallway is our realtor. “Mr. Zsadist, Ms. Payne, nice to see you. This penthouse has all the amenities you requested and was just recently put on the market. It is one of only two penthouses in this building,” he says as he unlocks the door. Z is looking all around as if he’s looking for something. I catch a faint scent, but ignore it. As we step inside, the place is beautiful. I was barely into the kitchen when Z whispers in my ear, “Princess, this is Rehv’s place, which means the other penthouse belongs to your brother.” I pull back from him and stare at him, shocked. “H…How do you know?” I ask. He points to the mantle where a picture of Ehlena, Rehvenge’s mate, is perched. “Oh shit” is all I can say as I turn back to him. We both chuckle. “That explains the scent I caught in the hallway.” Z smirks at me and then goes to speak to the realtor.

The next day we check out another penthouse on the other side of town. We ride up the elevator with the realtor who explains this penthouse covers the entire top floor, no neighbors. Z and I look at each other and smile at that thought. The elevator opens right into the foyer through which is a hallway. Immediately to the left is an office, with floor to ceiling bookshelves and a gas fireplace. Down the hall a little further is a half bath and then the space opens up to kitchen and living area. The entire back wall is floor to ceiling windows, overlooking the incredible city view below. We step into the kitchen which has top of line gourmet appliances and an island big enough to place 4 bar stools. It is very modern and sleek. As we walk toward the windows, I point to an area near the corner and comment “a piano would go great here.” Z turns to me and nods as he opens two of the windows, which are actually doors onto a private balcony. “Princess, come out here,” and he extends his hand. I take his hand and step outside and the view is breathtaking. The balcony is large and is perfect for some lounge chairs and a grill. “Wow,” is all I can say as Z cups my face in his hands and leans down for a gentle kiss on my mouth. “Wow is right.”

Opposite the kitchen, against the wall, are what look like free floating stairs and beyond them is another hallway. The realtor takes us down the hallway. He explains this place has two bedrooms, the master suite and lounge upstairs and this room at the end of the hall. Walking into the room, Z and I both looked at each other simultaneously, knowing it was perfect. The room was very large and off to right was a modest sized bathroom with a large standing shower. The left side of the bedroom was flanked with the same floor to ceiling windows as the main living area. Z cocked an eyebrow at me when he saw the windows. I laughed, “we can hang curtains.”

The entire upstairs was the master bedroom with a lounge area, a dressing area, huge closet and an absolutely enormous bathroom complete with whirlpool soaking tub and separate glass enclosed shower. There was an additional balcony outside. It was perfect.

As we made our way back downstairs, Z held my hand and the realtor left us alone. I looked up at him and smiled. “It’s pretty perfect, huh?” He nodded and kissed my forehead. He told the realtor we would be in touch and quickly led me to the elevator.

“Z, what are you doing? What about the……” I didn’t get a chance to finish my sentence. As the elevator doors closed, his mouth attacked mine. When he pulled back, I was breathless.

“I need you…..now.”

Chapter 1

Zsadist

I quietly walk through my room, trying not to wake Bella as she is sleeping in my bed, again. Ever since her abduction she has been with me. It has been an adjustment having her sleep next to me, but a delightful adjustment. In the past I have relied on the prostitutes to fill any need that arises, which was rare at that. I shake my head at the thought of the less than par blood I was taking in for so long. Since Bella has been in my life, I have felt restored, reborn in some ways. I still have moments of the past that break into the subconscious, but it is nothing like it was before.

I close the door quietly as I head down the main stairs to the compound’s kitchen. I walk in to find two doggen chopping vegetables. They turn and bow then scurry away down the doggen corridor. I will never be seen as anything other than the 'scary' one, and that’s fine by me. I grab a water out of the fridge along with a couple of apples and walk down to the training center. The only people up at this time of day are the doggen. It’s a weekend and no one is training, so I know I will have the whole place to myself. And some much needed alone time.

I walk into the training center and lie on the wooden bench that is on the opposite wall and start eating my apple. I think about how perfect Bella is, how she is the perfect female. But I can't be what she needs. Bella is a Glymera, I have a troubled past. I thought our relationship could overcome these differences, but it can’t. She needs a male that can give her his whole being, and my past has ruined me from having any sort of normal relationship. Bella and I started a sexual relationship shortly after she was rescued but now everything is different. The new and exciting aspect of our relationship isn't there anymore. I am distancing myself from her slightly and I hate to do that to her. I see the feeling she has for me in her eyes. I see the disappointment on her face when my bonding scent is not smelled during sex, as the other shellans have no doubt described to her. I can have sex with her, but I can’t finish. I get hard, sure… but the final release isn’t there. I don't know what to do about this problem. I know I can orgasm on my own; I have multiple times, in private. I don't want her to think that it’s her fault. I want her to think that the problem is the circumstances.

Finishing the first apple, I throw the core into the trash can behind me. I know this room by heart since I am in here multiple times a week, sometimes multiple times a day. Taking a drink of water, I start eating the second apple. I know I have changed since Bella came into my life. Bella has been gracious enough to let me feed from her. She takes blood from me, which was a hardship in the beginning but it is better now. Since my time with The Mistress I have thought of myself as corroded, but Bella has worked with me in changing those fears. I give her anything she needs, whether it be food, blood, or even pleasure. I have tried and thankfully she doesn't push me. She thinks it’s because it is a stressful time for the warriors and that I am on rotation almost every night. What she doesn't know is that most of the rotations are purely volunteered.

Being the Mistress’ prisoner caused me to change. I will never be like my twin, Phury, nor do I want to. Bella knows about the Mistress and how no one can push me on issues. If I say no, it means no - that was something I didn’t have with the Mistress. She controlled me completely and it broke me down inside. Maybe the Mistress has something to do with my problem I have with Bella.

I stand and throw the core of my second apple away. Feeling better having something in my stomach, I walk to the mat to start stretching. Knowing I need a good run to loosen this tension in my shoulders. Jumping on the treadmill as I turn on my MP3, I start running it out. I need some physical release and soon. I am way too stressed to be handling all the hunting that I have planned for this week. Also, Bella has to feed. Feedings have always helped. I am able to lose myself in them. It is purely animalistic between us and I am always able find release. And after, Bella is so proud of herself, proud that she satisfied me. But I am always instantly hard afterward and I know I wouldn’t be able to come for her again. Those are the worst times, trying to hide my erection. I shake the thoughts out of my head. I consider going to her right now to get it over with.

Jumping off the treadmill, I need to beat the shit out of something. I go to the sparing room, and I see her. Payne. She is the sister of Vishous, and she recently came over here from the other side. I am not sure what to make of her. She comes from a warrior blood line, but she is more feminine then I would of thought. You hear someone with the name Payne, sister of Vishous and you imagine someone the likes of Xhex. Not this curvy, beautiful, wide eyed thing. I watch her as she hits the punching bag and it almost makes me smile, almost.

I stand and watch her for a few moments. She has no formal training; that much is obvious. But I do see her determination and courage. That is rare, and not something I am used to seeing in a female.

Payne

In the two months since coming to the Brotherhood compound, I have spent my days working out in the training center. Wrath won’t let me out on rotation with the Brothers, even though he knows I am more than capable. Double standards suck.

So, here I am, yet another day in the training center. I have worked on my stance, posture, moves and of course, have done weights and cardio. I was ready for some hand to hand combat. Even if it was just for fun, nothing really helped make me better than actual practice with an actual partner. My spars with Wrath were getting fewer and farther between as his responsibilities as King kept him busy.

Then, as if out of nowhere, he appeared. He had a good half-foot on me and about 100 more pounds of muscle. His hair was every shade of blond, brown, red and black and he kept it very, very short. He strutted into the training center, nodding briefly to me as he went to the speed bag. I knew right away who he was based on the tattoos around his neck and wrists. The scar running from his forehead to his mouth was also a giveaway. This was Brother Zsadist, son of Ahgony. I remember reading his history of being a blood slave, being saved by his twin brother, Phury, and of rescuing a woman named Bella from The Lessening Society. Ah, yes, he had a “girlfriend.”

I took to the punching bag, but wasn’t getting much use of it as every time I hit it, it moved. I looked over to Zsadist and he was watching me.

“Zsadist, right?” I asked. “Think you could come help me for a few?”

A man of few words, he nodded and walked over, holding the bag for me.

“Thanks. I’m Payne, Vishous’ sister.”

“Yeah, I know,” was all he responded.

Okay, whatever.

As I hit and kicked the bag, he suddenly said, “plant your back foot and keep your hands up while you kick.”

I did as he suggested and could feel the difference in the strength of my kick to the bag. “Wow, what a difference.”

And again, he just nodded.

We did this with some punches too and his suggestions were most helpful.

“Listen, Zsadist, would you mind maybe sparring with me? There is only so much I can accomplish without a partner.”

When he agrees, I get excited. And he tells me to call him Z.

I stalk around him and get into a fighting stance, nailing a kick to his right flank.

“Yeah, thanks for the tip with the punching bag. It definitely helps.”

He crouches down to keep his weight balanced, steps forward, and with a smirk, elbows me in the side of the face. “Princess, you fight dirty, I will do the same.”

I laugh at him calling me Princess, I squat in front of him, push my shoulder into his solar plexus. I mutter under my breath as I look up at him, “Fuckhead.”

He then throws a roundhouse kick to my kidneys, while jabbing me in the stomach.

As I try to throw a kick to the back of his knee, he grabs my foot and holds it up in the air. I keep my balance and jab him in the stomach. He grunts at the hit and lets go of my leg and steps back.

“Ok, Princess, you win this one. I have some things to do. Can we continue this tomorrow?”

“Sure, I would like that, Fuckhead. Thanks for your help. See you tomorrow.”

And suddenly tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

Chapter 2

Zsadist

As I walked back to my room, thoughts of Payne were flowing through me. How it is nice to be able to teach someone like her. How she is so responsive to the information I give her, and how I know she will be a fine Warrior some day. I enter my bedroom and see Bella awake and writing in her journal. She instantly stops writing and puts it away when she sees me enter. I walk to the bed and sit down next to her and look at her face, the face of an angel. This angel has given me so much and I can’t even give her the part of me she needs. I see her mouth parted and her fangs elongated, and instantly I know why. She is hungry and I have been so selfish to leave her wanting for too long.

Anger rising up in me, “Damn it Bella, why didn’t you tell me you needed to feed sooner?” I look at myself all sweaty and nasty, knowing she is too good for this. I need a shower before I even think to give her my vein. She sits there and just shrugs her small delicate shoulders. “You were busy, I didn’t want to bother you.” I look into her eyes and see the love she has for me.

I push off the bed and stand, about to head to the bathroom but see a fear in her eyes, like a fear that I would leave her. The same visible fear I had every time the Mistress came to me. “I am just going to take a shower and then I will give you what you need. I am sweaty and need to be clean for you.” I turn toward the bathroom but Bella comes around in front of me and puts her hand on my chest. That is all I have allowed, and it is rare at that. I don’t like being touched and Bella knows that. We have worked through a lot of my problems and I am grateful for the time she has given me. Looking down at the hand on my chest, I look back to her eyes. These eyes are filled with hunger and need. Something I know very much about since I spend years on my own, trying to satisfy that hunger and need.

“Don’t go. You are fine. You don’t need a shower.” Bella’s eyebrows are furrowed and her mouth hangs open more. I can tell she is in pain and it kills me to see her like this. I strip my shirt off and pull her to me. Picking her up, wrapping her legs around me and pushing her head to my neck. Her fangs pierce into me as I turn and crawl up on the bed with her in my arms. I lay her down on the bed as she takes greedy pulls from me. She is moaning constantly at each and every drop of my blood that goes into her. I grow hard at the feel of her fangs in me, and the feel of my blood filling her, satisfying her.

I position myself above her while I pull myself out of my pants. I am harder then I have ever been, I need to feel her, I need to find my physical release. I roughly push her panties out of the way and thrust my hard length into her wet core. We both scream out at the contact. She goes back to taking from me as I bite down on her vein taking her blood into me. I move in and out of her, feeling her tighten around me. I moan at the feel of her blood coating my throat, giving me my own relief from the blood lust I didn’t even know I had. I take and I give and after a few more moments Bella finishes and closes the wound. I take my own last few drawls from her and close her up as well. That is the time when I have her blood coursing through me I give her everything I have to give. I move inside of her with such fury that we get lost in each other. We don’t care about the noise or anything, all we care about is our own unconditional surrender to our animalistic wants and needs. I pick her up in my arms and place her on my bent legs, holding her hips as I bounce her on me. Her breasts in my face add to the pleasure and I inch our way toward the headboard. I push her back into the headboard as I thrust myself deep and hard into her. She is moaning in my ear and I lose it. I look down her body and need to be closer. I release her hands and take her face in my hands then dominate her mouth with my own. Invading it with my tongue I moan into her mouth as I feel myself explode inside of her at the feel of her own release.

I fall backward, landing on my back with her on top of me. I quickly turn to the side with me still joined inside of Bella. Our breathing is harsh and ragged as we lay intertwined. This is the time when I try and understand why every time can’t be like this. I ease myself out so she doesn’t feel me grow hard again. I lean up and kiss her forehead and brush the hair out of her face. “You feel better?” My chest hurting at the fact that I made her wait for as long as she did. She looks into my eyes, her eyes filled with pleasure and contempt. “I feel amazing. Thank you for that. It was beyond anything we have…It was amazing.” I hear her words and it kills me to know that those moments are rare. It hurts to know that I can’t give her what she deserves; I can’t be the male that deserves her.

I smile down at her, “Yes, it was amazing.” Taking a look at the clock, seeing that I only have enough time to get suited up and then to go out hunting. I kiss her again and ease myself off the bed. These are the worst times between me and Bella. I know she wants me to stay with her, to make love to her all night, but I can’t. I get dressed and then phone Fritz to bring Bella up some food. She is napping by the time I am ready to leave, I lean down and kiss her head.

Chapter 3

Zsadist

After I come back to the compound from hunting, I head upstairs, change and go to sleep instantly. I am so exhausted from the last few hours and I fall asleep for a decent amount of time. When I wake, I see Bella’s still asleep and that is fine by me. I get changed into my jogging pants and head back down to the training room. As I walk down the corridor all I can think about is what to do when I see Payne. She has taken up residency in the back of my mind, telling me how much of a screw up I am. Payne’s voice is my subconscious yelling at me for what I am and what I will always be, the scary one. As I enter the training center I see her standing there drinking water. In that instant I know it is too much for me to be near her. It has to be the fact that I just fed or something to make me see her in a different light. I eye her curves, her softness, her hidden strength and curse at the thought. I find myself growing hard at the sight of her. I hold back the thoughts, willing myself to stay calm.

She turns then and walks right into me. She is such a small thing compared to me, but then all females are. It amazes me she can take someone like me and give me a run for my money on the mats. She pops my jaw with her elbow and I step back at the contact. She says “Nice of you to show, Fuckhead.” I instinctively want to clean her mouth out, but it makes me smile at the name she has for me. My head is fucked and if only this little thing knew how damaged I was. I grab her around the neck, wanting to show her the kind of power I have over her and how she needs to be on her toes all the time. The closeness to her stirs something deep in me. I instantly have a need to push her up against the wall and take her as mine, mark her as mine. I am shocked by this since the need to be with Bella isn’t even this strong. I drop my hold on her and turn to head back out the door. Needing to get away from her and needing to clear my head.

In that moment she lands me on my ass. I am staring up at the ceiling, amazed that someone like me let my guard down for Payne to get me on my back so easily. Angry with myself that I let these females get into my head so much. I sit up and push any feelings or urges out of my head. They are not welcome and are only distracting me at this point.

Payne

The next day I was up and showered in record time. I assumed it was because I couldn’t wait to spar again. Or was it I couldn’t wait to spar with him again? I shook my head trying to release that thought. In an attempt to convince myself, I admitted it was just the adrenaline talking.

Walking into the training center, I noticed I was alone. So I hit the treadmill. As my legs began to tire, I look down at the computer and realize I had been running for an hour. Fucker wasn’t going to show up. Figures.

I grabbed a water bottle from the mini-fridge and drank a big gulp. I was pissed off that I ran my legs into the ground. I turned around and about choked on the water as I walked right into a muscular chest, complete with two nipple rings. My breath hitched. It was perfectly sculpted…his pectorals begging me to touch them. And I wanted to, God, did I want to. For the second time, I shook my head, trying to shake the thoughts loose. I looked up at him and popped my elbow into his jaw.

“Nice of you to show, Fuckhead.”

Z wrapped his hand around my neck, spun me around and pulled my back to his chest while simultaneously taking a jab to my kidneys. Then he let me go. I took a big step away from him and turn around, looking at him, confused. He was turning and walking away. Knowing I wasn’t done with him, I ran up behind him, squatted down, and swept with my leg knocking his legs out from under him. He went down with an umpf! but pushed himself up by the arms, turned and sat on his ass, legs stretched out in front of him. I was still in my squatted position, so we were at eye level with each other. I could see there was something different about his eyes today - there was no passion, no life in them at all. I walk over to the fridge and grab two waters. As I near him, I throw him a bottle and sit down on the mat across from him.

“So clearly you are not into this today. Anything I can do to help?”

“Yeah, I’m not. Can I have a raincheck?” He looks down at his hands. “No, nothing you can do to help.”

“Raincheck...you got it.” Wanting to question him more, knowing he’s got something on his mind, but I know not to push. So I stand up and walk out of center, feeling utterly deflated. As I get a bit down the hall, I put my back against the wall and exhale a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. What is happening to me?!?!

Chapter 4

Zsadist

My mind is racing with all these different thoughts, all these different emotions. I am not an emotional person, I don’t do emotions; but find myself sitting on the floor in the training center, thinking about feelings and shit. I know this isn’t the time or the place to be going through this, so I stand up, thanking Payne for the water and ahead back to the main house. Thoughts of Payne still flowing through my head, I don’t know why I thought of her as ‘mine’. There was a time in the beginning of me and Bella’s relationship when I thought of Bella as ‘mine’. Those were the ‘honeymoon’ days, so to speak. The days when we would have sex and everything worked like it should, well mostly. I was still having trouble with the touching thing, but she helped me work through part of that. It was the time when I first fed from her that I thought, maybe she would be my It, my female and maybe, if I ever get my shit together, my shellan.

Those days are long gone. I still care for Bella but nothing compared to what I see my Brothers going through. The other brothers have found their shellans, I am the one just dragging Bella along, giving her false hope. But what if it isn’t false hope? What if things change and we can be together? What if this is just a rough time and I end up getting my shit together and everything falls into place? That is what she wants, and I would like to make her happy any way that I can. Frustrated beyond belief, I rub my head over my skull-trimmed hair. I find myself aimlessly wandering through the halls of the main house, knowing that people will be awake soon. Walking to Wrath’s office, the door is open and I see him sitting at his desk. I knock on the door jam and walk in, knowing that if he didn’t want to be bothered the door would be closed.

“Hey brother, what’s doin’?” Wrath asks as he is bent over documents with his magnifying glass.

“Nothin’ much, just wanted to give you my hunting schedule for this month.” I know that he is going to shit a brick when I tell him to schedule me for every day possible, I hold my breath in anticipation.

“Yeah? Ok, when you free?” Wrath still hunched over the documents, not giving me a second look.

“Every day. I need as much time out there as possible.” Watching Wrath’s every move, I wait for him to lose it. I wait for him to stand and start yelling because that is what he does. Instead, he lowers his magnifying glass, takes off his wrap-arounds and rubs his eyes.

“What about down time? Rest?”

“I don’t need to rest. I need to be out there doing what I do best.”

Wrath looks up at me, his sightless eyes boring into me. I am almost taken aback by the intensity. “Bella has been talking to Beth, and Beth has been talking to me. I am not going to rehash everything that was said because you are living it, you know. Bella is here because it was safe for her after her abduction. Time has passed and we let Bella stay because it seemed like you two have found a liking in each other. But, after what I see in your hunting schedule and what I heard from Beth, it seems that is not the case.” Wrath put his hands on the desk, contemplating his next words. “If she’s not for you, then don’t string her along. I can tell you are keeping your cool about this and that is the only reason I have put you on rotation as much as I have. But after this next week, you are going on rotation like all the other brothers. No more of this every day shit. You are being cut off until you get your shit straight. You need to find out what you want and if that doesn’t include Bella, then you need to sit down with her and talk it out.” Wrath put his wrap-arounds back on and picked up his magnifying glass. “Now, I will see you back in here after this week to talk about your rotation schedule then. Hopefully you would have worked things out by then.”

Not knowing what to say I stand and nod and head to the door. This was the first time Wrath didn’t hand me my ass when talking about my personal life. I think Beth really has done wonders to him and how he sees all of us. It’s different, it’s a little bit on the Nancy side, but it’s fine by me. I have a week, one week, where I don’t have to worry about confronting Bella and I can just keep doing what I’m doing.

That night I went hunting with Butch and Phury, not much difference there. I come back to the compound, showered and slept next to Bella. I knew she wanted to talk to me about something but she kept her mouth shut, so I took advantage and slept for a couple of hours. I woke up like I always do, hours before night fall, and hours before anyone was awake. I took advantage of this time and headed to the training center. The minute I headed down the corridor all I could think about is Payne and hoping she isn’t there. I don’t know what I would do if I had to see her again. Maybe I can just push myself past this nonsense shit about her being ‘mine’ and move on with my day. I mean she lives here too; we are bound to keep running into each other. And she has found a way to be in the training center during my times. It doesn’t bother me; it is what it is.

I walk into the training center and see her lifting weights. Or, not lifting weights is a more accurate description. She looks like she is struggling with them. I run over to her quickly and lift the bar up from her chest, stopping the Kevorkian routine that was in action.

Payne

Over the next few days, I try to keep myself busy and my thoughts on anything but Z. I even consider taking up knitting! But no matter what I do, his image invades my mind. His tattoos, his hair, his eyes, his chest, that scar on his face. All I want to do is trace it with my tongue and kiss where it meets the corner of his mouth. Stop it! I tell myself! He is with Bella! And you wouldn’t even know what to do with a guy like that. Verily, it is the truth; I do not have a mate. Once I came to this side, I fed from the warrior Qhuinn, who I have since discovered is a real 'ladies man'. No love connection, for me, there.

Seeing all the Brothers with their mates, it is hard not to dream of that connection; to have that bond with another. I can tell Z and I are very much alike - the outcasts, the unknowns. We don’t open up to others - we are different - we have skeletons in the closet we don’t want to talk about. But we seem to handle things the same - we work out. We both pump iron, run the treadmill into the ground, hit the shit out of a punching bag. And now, hopefully, we can take our aggressions out on each other.

I was glad that Z didn’t hold back from truly sparring with me, even though I was female. He gave as good as he got and I appreciated this. He gave me pointers and suggestions and we would determine what worked and what didn’t. It was very helpful for me and I hoped it was helpful for him.

All this thought of him was driving me insane, so I did what I always do, and headed for the training center. Working out always gave my mind peace. So I hit the gym, starting with a little cardio on the elliptical machine. Almost instantly my mind wandered, getting lost in the music blaring from the iPod stereo. I went over to the weight bench and added 25 pounds to each side of my normal 200 bench press. After a few reps tho, I realized I may have increased it too much. I began to struggle when two hands appeared around the bar and lifted it for me. I let my arms fall to the side and shook them out. I sat up and turned around, looking at the scarred face.

“Thanks. I guess I shouldn’t add so much weight at one time when I am here alone.”

“Yeah, not smart Princess. If you want to try a new weight, at least make sure someone is here to spot you.”

I stood and shook my arms out some more and walked to the center of the mats. I turned around to a fist in my jaw and a laugh. Immediately, I went into attack mode and began uppercutting his face with a left and right combination. He came back at me with a kick to the shoulder to which I countered with grabbing his ankle and putting my elbow to the back of his knee. I attempted to sweep his other leg out from underneath him, letting go of the leg I was holding, and as I turned my nose was met by his palm.

It felt like my nostrils just went screaming into my brain.

“Fuck! Z!” I was holding my hand under my nose to catch the blood. “What the fuck?!”

Chapter 5

Zsadist

Seeing the blood running down her chin from her nose, I bring my hands to her face, pushing her head back. “Fuck! I’m sorry. I… I....Sorry.” I survey her face to determine the damage but I have no idea what I am looking for. I pull her to the bench and gently push her down to sit. I rush to the table with the towels on them, grabbing one for her nose while stopping by the mini-fridge for an ice pack.

I pull her shoulders down so she laying down on the bench. “Here, hold this to your nose,” handing her the ice pack covered with the towel. “I don’t know how to tell if it’s broken or not but at least this will help stop the bleeding.” I run my hands over my head and start pacing. “Shit, Payne, I’m sorry. I have really been out of it these past few days. I was distracted. I forgot you weren’t one of the brothers. They probably would of seen that coming. I’m so, so sorry.”

What Payne didn’t know was that during the spar all I could think about was Payne and Bella, Bella and Payne. But I never meant to cause a female of worth harm. Yes, I had my fair share of prostitutes in an alley. I have taken their blood, but never drained them, and never hurt them like I just hurt Payne.

Payne

Sitting up, I see Z pacing and looking utterly disgusted with himself. It was no big deal to me. Bloody lips, lacerated chins and cheeks, even the occasional broken bone happen when you spar. But he obviously needed to hear it from me.

“Z, calm down. It’s just a bloody nose. And fuck you. ‘I forgot you weren’t one of the brothers. They probably would of seen that coming.’ You have never treated me like a female until just then. Now tell me what the hell is going on with you and I will consider accepting your apology.”

Zsadist

She doesn’t let me live anything down. She is a female that calls me on my shit. I am shocked by her attitude towards me but it makes me smile. Brushing my hand over my head again, “I didn’t mean it like that.” My inner self yelling me. I did mean it like that, but not in the way she is taking it. Fuck! When did I fuck things up so bad? I always mess things up. I can’t talk to her about my personal shit-the shit that I need to leave at the door when I walk in here but never can.

After the bleeding stopped and my nerves have calmed, I stand against the wall of the training center raking my hand over my head. “It is my fault you were hurt,” I admit to her and the pain that is caused from saying those words aloud is enough to make me go mad. “We should calm down on the sparing, at least until things work themselves out in my life.” Pushing off the wall, I start walking toward the door but I hear her move and speak.

“It was an accident, don’t beat yourself up about it,” she says.

I don’t know how to get her to see that this is who I am. I am the hot-headed scary one that everyone stays away from. I am the warrior that makes mistakes, mistakes that can cause others harm. My mind jumps to Bella and then back to Payne.

I brush off her comment knowing that it is my fault that she was hurt. “I have to go,” I state with a sort of authority on the whole matter. I need to leave this place as soon as possible.

I hear her make a noise, like she was going to object or something. It makes me smirk that she has such courage, even around me. I slow my walk and turn back to her, seeing her looking at me. Her eyes immediately divert the stare as I raise an eyebrow at her.
“You are going to come back tomorrow to do a usual work out, right?” I am slightly taken aback at her request, thinking too much into it. I rack my brain, wanting to know if it means she wants to see me again, or if she is just asking because she has no one else to work out with that has the schedule like I do.

“Yeah, I’ll be here.” I turn toward the door and get out of there before things get weird for me again.

These few days have been a real headfuck for me. I am walking down the hall and a smirk forms on my face as I think about the ‘fuckhead’ nickname she has for me. I am also thinking about how much I miss our banter like we had the first couple of days, how everything has been forced and covered up because of me. Sure, she doesn’t care one ounce about me and just wants to use my skills and learn. Anyone female in a class full of males would want the same thing. Meanwhile, my head has been filled with ideas of her as ‘mine’.

Chapter 6

Zsadist

I walk up to my room, not realizing I am doing it until I am standing in front of my door. Being preoccupied with thoughts of what I did to Payne running rampant in my brain. Cursing under my breath, I know that Bella will be waking up at any moment, and it makes me want to turn back around. I rub my hand through my skull-trimmed hair and open the door. Entering quietly but then seeing her sit up, still groggy, like she had just woken. She is the most beautiful creature that has graced my bed. I still find her attractive; I still grow excited at the though of taking and giving her blood, but I can’t see myself in her life. The whole idea that she should be with someone better then me is still plaguing my mind.

“Good morning.” I say as I close the door behind me. I walk over to the bed and sit down by her side. Instinctively brushing her hair behind her ear and letting my fingers trail down the side of her face as my hand falls. She smiles up at me and takes my hand in hers.

“You going out tonight, hunting?” the smile drops slightly on her face as she asks me. I see the slight difference in her words and it hurts to know that I cause her that pain.
Knowing that I need to make things right, I need to decide what I am going to do with my life. Should I send Bella packing and forever be the ‘scary’ one and let Bella have the life that I know she deserves? Or, should I let her pick? Should I let her choose her own destiny? Would she choose right and leave me like I know she needs to? A part of me doesn’t think so and I am torn with that to do.

“Yes, I am on the schedule again. I know it has been a lot recently, but things will get better soon.” I don’t want to give her false hope but she deserves to think ahead to her future, the future that is better for her. “Are you hungry? We can head down to the kitchen. I smelled them cooking up something good down there.” I don’t want to spend too much time in this room because I will grow hard at the sight of her; it is biology. She looks surprised at my offer. “You mean together?” she is genuinely skeptical. Like she doesn’t think I would want to eat with her? I am truly taken aback. I scoot closer to her, taking her head in my hands while looking deep into her eyes.

“Yes. Me and you. Breakfast in the kitchen.” Briefly kissing her lips and lowing my hands. Knowing that kissing her isn’t the best decision I have made, but we are still close even if my shit isn’t together. “Now get dressed. I am starved.”


I stand and move to the other side of the bed as I get a clean shirt to put on while Bella gets changed into something other than the tank top and pajama bottoms she is currently wearing. She is ready in seconds and I take her hand and we walk down to the kitchen.

The doggen scurry down their stairs and leave just me, Bella and Fritz. “Sire, what can I prepare for you today?” The doggen is the most loyal male that I have seen. His overzealous way of taking care of everyone can get on my nerves, but I know he means well. I shake my head at him and he knows I want some time alone. He doesn’t push me like he might push others. Bella looked upset that I dismissed him so easily. “What? I can make you food and I don’t like being waited on.” Taking her hand I lead her over to the counter next to the fridge. I pick Bella up and place her on the counter top and I turn to the fridge. “Are you in the mood for anything in particular?”

Bella sits there, smiling and kicking her legs like a school girl. It brings a smirk to my lips - her being care free. This is the type of female she needs to be all of the time. Not the female that I have made her be - quiet, calculating, timid. “Anything is fine with me.” I poke my head into the fridge, seeing a fruit plate and a huge assortment of dinner items.

“Breakfast? Or lunch?” I had to ask because knowing me I would feed her the one thing she didn’t want.

“Breakfast.” She answers me with a smile and kicks her legs more. I take out the fruit plate and place it on the adjacent counter. I eye the tray, only picking the best piece of fruit for Bella. I bring the fruit to her mouth, wanting to see her eat. She opens her mouth and I place a strawberry on her tongue. I try to pull away quickly but she licks my fingers and then grabs my hand, holding it in place as she sucks the juice off of my fingers.

The whole sight is making my mouth water and my cock growing hard in my pants. Once she has cleaned off every drop, she releases my hand and I pant at the assault of her mouth on my fingers. Instantly the thought of Payne floods my brain. I shake my head to rid myself of the images but it doesn’t work. I push past them and look at Bella as she is waiting for me to make the next move.

“Bella, I guess you really were hungry.” I reach over and pick up another piece of strawberry off the plate and bring it to her mouth again. She takes that piece and nods while smiling at me.

“There is something else I have been hungry for too.” She stares me down as I start planning what I am going to do to get out of this. All I wanted was to show her that I am not the male she needs but instead she has taken this as a show of my imaginary affection.

I know I have to push this off as just a stray comment that will be forgotten. “You need to eat.” I make a bowl of cereal for her and place it in her hands, wanting to see her eat. I grab an apple and chew on it while thinking about what to do next.

“What did I do wrong? Why are you like this? It wasn’t this way when we were together in the beginning. Am I not attractive enough for you?” Bella speaks and the words shock me. I want to force some sense into her but find it hard to tell her exactly what is going on.

“No, you are very attractive.” I push my hand over my head again as I try and think of a way to dance around these questions. “I have just been very busy with hunting. I’m sorry. I can’t…” not knowing what else to say to her. I just stand and look at her. I can see the tears start to well up in her eyes. I curse myself and lower my head in disgrace for how much pain I cause her.

“You are my everything. All I have ever wanted was you. All I have ever cared about was you.” She jumps off the counter and comes to me, pushing my head up to look at her. I see the tears start to run down her cheek and I push one away with my thumb. “But I also know that you don’t talk about what is on your mind. You have been distant from me for a while now. I have noticed.” She lowers her hand and stares at me. “You aren’t going to bond with me, I know it. It would have happened already. And after thinking about it, I have accepted it. I am just having fun right now. We are fun. I am not asking for anything from you, just your attention.” She puts her hands on her hips and looks at me more questioningly. “Now, are you going to take me bed or aren’t you?”

Her question catches me off guard. She has let me off the hook, so to speak. She has just changed our relationship from mates to… what? Just bed mates? The whole idea of our new situation jump starts my brain and my dick.

“So what does that make us?” Needing to hear her say the words; I need to know that we are on the same page. The idea is freeing to me. Not being tied down by someone, to someone. Not being their one and only that has to answer the where? when? how? to everything and anything I do.

Bella shrugs like she hasn’t thought that far into things. “Well, we are room mates, fuck buddies of sorts.” Hearing the words gets me going. I think this may be what can help get me past the block I have had with Bella. The block in my brain that has stopped me from finishing any task of sex that we have. The whole idea of being ‘free’ energizes me.

I pick Bella up in my arms and take her to our room. I ravage her seven ways from Sunday. I make her orgasm multiple times and even though I am hard and shaking with a need for physical release, I am without completion. I try and try and nothing. Bella even goes down me, and nothing. She collapses on the bed, fully and completely sated.

I hear her slow, even breathing and sneak off the bed as I go to the bathroom. There is only one place that brings me to finish. I turn on the shower - scalding, hot water and step under the spray. The sting is what helps me. The feeling of burning hot liquid hitting me and running down my back and front, fully covering me, is what breaks the block. I place a hand on the cold shower wall and another hand goes down to my throbbing hard cock. I start to stroke it, enjoying the feel of the water running down me, burning me. I tighten my grip and start to move my hand back and forth. I pump myself staring at the tiled floor of the shower.

Suddenly the image of Payne comes to mind. I suddenly stop what I am doing and try to push the thought away but it stays. I am so strung out with need to finish that I picture Payne laying out on my bed. I see myself climbing up and looming over her. My hand goes to back my cock and continues to pump it. I imagine what it would be like to be inside that beautiful warrior and it causes me to squirt a stream of hot come out of my hard shaft. I keep pumping myself, not even close to being completely done. I see the same images of Payne but this time, she is above me, riding me. I imagine what her perfect breasts would look like and I am lost. I hold my weight up as I lose myself in images of her.

After the shudders build and subside inside of me, I come back to reality. I feel the sting of the shower again, not realizing it faded until it comes back. I turn some cold water on to help with the pain and look down at the mess I have created. Shocked to see such a massive amount of white on the bottom of the shower stall, I quickly wash it down the drain. I finish washing myself and then towel off and head back into the bedroom. Thankful to see Bella still asleep, I go into the closet and dress for hunting.
________

The next day I walk down to the training center as always. Seeing Payne on the treadmill, I jump on the one next to hers and start jogging.

“Hey Princess, your nose better?” I know I need to lighten the mood between us. It has gotten way to serious and calculating and I need some stress to be alleviated and this is great enough place than any.

“Doing good. Thanks for asking, Fuckhead.”

I smirk at her antics and get into my rhythm on the treadmill. She occasionally glances my way but I just keep moving in tune with my body.

After a few minutes, she finally says what is on her mind. “So, what has been up with you recently?”

She happens to choose the one thing I don’t want to talk about. I keep jogging and try to ignore her, but I know that if I don’t approach it now then it will always be in the back of her mind. I slow the treadmill down to a fast walk and start opening myself to her. “It has a lot to do with me and Bella. You know Bella, my… girlfriend, I guess you would call her.” I try and stick with the basics, not going into much detail but Payne is a tough person and needs to know everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything. She grills me about details with our relationship, or lack thereof, and even our non-existent sex.

It feels good to get these things off my chest and to really be open with someone. After talking and discussing my life in a nut-shell, I turn on the sound system in the gym. I decided it would be good to show Payne our circuit and how to actually use it. I showed her how to use the different weight machines and how to get a different workout by only changing one thing. We joke and she punches me for teasing her. It makes me smile. For the first time in a long while, I am having a genuinely good time. I feel more open with Payne then I have with anyone, even Bella.

We both find that we spent more time in the gym then we could afford so we made plans to meet again the next day. It was becoming a regular thing and I was starting to like it. She was really becoming a friend to me. Maybe female friends are what I was missing. I was close to my brothers but not this close.

Payne

After the pop in the nose, Z and I decided to take a breather on the sparring. He did say he would be back to workout. I couldn’t believe I asked him that....the words were out before my brain could stop them. Honestly, at this point, I didn’t care what we did - spar or just work out, as long as I could be with him. I was finding that I just enjoyed his company. I couldn’t deny the smile that graced my face when he came in and got on the treadmill next to me. I was glad he lightened the mood by calling me Princess, so I gave it right back with my pet name for him. But I couldn’t let go that something was eating him up inside.

I was slightly surprised when he slowed his treadmill to a walk, but I did the same. I was even more surprised when he really did start talking. He opened up to me about his past, and present, and I found myself telling him thoughts that I never spoke aloud before.

After the treadmills, he showed me and worked with me on the machines, alternating reps. He would spot me on the free weights and the bench press. We would toss the medicine ball back and forth and all the while, just talk.

I tried understanding how his past haunted him and how it affected his relationship with Bella. He seemed to need more from Bella, more intensity, more passion. They had been together such a short period of time….how could that have fizzled already? He saw himself as this lower class citizen, while she was a member of the glymera. I know Bella didn’t view him that way otherwise she wouldn’t want to be with him. He didn’t see himself clearly at all. He was strong, inside and out; he was handsome. He thought he was weak on the inside because of his illiteracy and inability to deal with his past. The scars and tattoos served as his ugly on the outside. He felt he was to blame for what happened to him.

To me, it all made him the man he is today. A warrior. A Brother. He survived an unimaginable ordeal. How could he not be strong? Obviously he had issues. That’s why I call him Fuckhead. He only sees one side…the black side. He doesn’t attempt to view things from the white side….that the ordeal he survived made him strong. Dealing with his illiteracy takes courage. The scars and the tattoos are sexy. These are not words he uses to describe himself. Like I said, he doesn’t see himself clearly at all. At first it was hard for me to talk with him like this, like a Brother, like a friend, because I felt so attracted to him. The spark is still there, every time he touches my skin…and getting to know him has only ignited my feelings more intensely. But I keep them at bay as his friendship has become more important to me. I have come to have the utmost respect for him. And verily, I need him as much as he needs me. Not just to workout with, but to talk to. I can’t seem to make a connection with the other females in the house. They have no idea what it is like to have warrior blood running through them. They are not able to comprehend that I would rather spar than shop. Z gets this about me and it doesn’t seem to bother him that I am female. Maybe a male friend was what I was missing.

Chapter 7

Zsadist

The week is almost finished. Every day I try and forget about the decision I have to make in regards to Bella. I walk into the training center and Payne is there, like always. It is a regular thing with us now. We meet in the training center and we talk and work-out and just be the friends that we are. Recently I have been helping her with the speed bag, trying to get her into the rhythm of how it works and what you need to do to get the optimum skill out of it.

She is beating the speed bag as I walk in, she is concentrating so hard. Her lower lip is in between her teeth in concentration. She still doesn’t have the rhythm down and it makes me smile. I lean against the wall by the door and just watch what she is doing wrong. “Your body isn’t in it.” I state and see her jump slightly. It makes me smile that she was so into her concentration that she didn’t see or even smell me walk in.

“What?” She is thoroughly confused and I want to just… kiss her because she is so cute. Shit. These random thoughts haven’t gone away at all. It is the same thing over and over again. I can’t stop my head from disagreeing with me. I shake off the thought and walk up to her.

“Here.” I step into her area, effectively making her step back as I take her position at the bag. “It isn’t just about the arms. It is about the body.” I position my feet in the right place. “Every time you hit the bag your body has to be behind your arm. You have to move the way your body moves. This is made to make you listen to your body.” I start punching the bag and listen to my body, moving in tune with my heart beats. Getting lost in the rhythm, I keep at it until I hear her murmur of something next to me.

I stop and turn to her. “What did you say?” she shakes it off and I step back and let her take her spot again. “Listen to your body.” It takes her a few tries but she is getting there. After a few minutes she gets into a better rhythm then before. “It will take more practice. But you will get there.” I watch her for another minute as I stretch. “Hey,” I called to her from the middle of the gym. “You want to practice sparring today? I promise not to break your nose this time.” I smirk slightly at her to let her know I was kidding.

Her eyes light up in excitement. “Yes and I would really appreciate it if you didn’t.” She walks toward me on the mats, already ready to get started. She is always so eager. It is refreshing to see this from a female. It is such a warrior characteristic.

“Okay. Lets’ just see where this goes at first. If I need to I will show you some tips but we will see.” I lower myself into a fighting stance. I signal her with my finger to come at me. “Bring it Princess.” She lowers into her own fighting stance and eyes me like a tigress on the prowl.

“Don’t mess with me Fuckhead.” She starts with a left sided jab and right handed gut punch combo. It was telegraphed majorly and I blocked both attempts and grabbed her wrist and twisted it, turning her into me, making it impossible for her to move.

“You telegraphed with your feet and your weight. Don’t put all your weight into it in the beginning.” I release her hands and take a step back, getting into fighting stance again. “Again.” I watch as she comes straight at me, not even going into fighting stance. It takes me off guard a little and makes me grin. She is such a quick learner. She acts like she is going to come at me with a left hook, but I feel an impact of a right elbow to my neck instead. Moving my weight into her, I try and get her into a head lock but she deflects the process and snakes out of my hands.

I quickly turn into her and leaving a lessened blow to her side as I try and come at her with a left hook to the shoulder but she moves out of my path. She jumps behind me and taking her leg in between mine , trying to lower me to the ground. It works but I turn around on the way down and grab her shoulders and keep control of her as I fall down. I push her off of me so she doesn’t have the upper hand as I turn over and get on my knees.

“You took too much time to stage that. Try this.” I get to my feet and this time I come at her. I telegraph my move to hope that she deflects it. Putting all my weight on my left side, leading with my left foot, I go into for a punch to her gut with my left hand. She sees it and turns to her right and deflects the move. I figured a move like that so I counter her move with a kick to her leg, making her lose her balance. She lands on the mats, on her back, and I get down to submit her into a hold.

She gets out of my attempt well enough and moves to position me in a hold. I can’t get out of her hold quick enough and she ends up on top of me with my hands being held down. I sit up to try and flip her on her back but I can’t get past her legs that are around me.

I am frantically looking for a way to get out of this hold and I can’t see anything. I am stuck. I look at her, hoping she will call a truce and start again. Her eyes are staring at me. Her hands are on top of mine, still on the mat, causing me to lose my cool. I look into her eyes and get lost in the color. The bright white and blue pulls me in. She is sitting on my lap with her legs practically wrapped around me and I am frozen in her eyes. Her grip on my hands lessened so she is just laying her hand on mine. I grow hard and quick. I can’t move. My heart stops and I just stay, memorizing every little aspect of her face. I see and feel her hands come up to my face. The touch sends a shock through me and I am hers.

I lean in, only wanting one thing. I need to feel her closer; I need to be inside of her. Before I know it she is taking my mouth, invading me with her tongue. I kiss her back with as much intensity while wrapping my arms around her back. I pull her as close as physically possible, enjoying the delicious taste of her mouth.

Payne

Sitting in his lap, I could feel his erection. Looking in his eyes, I saw the fire being ignited. Was this because of me? No, it couldn't be. Adrenaline does strange things to the body...including my own. As if I was outside myself, I watched as my hands came up and cupped his face. I paused for a brief moment, as if awaiting his approval when he came toward me. My mouth attacked his and our tongues were going crazy inside each other’s mouths as if there was not enough to explore. My hands went to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, as if it were possible. His hands came around my back, pushing on my shoulder blades. My hips involuntarily ground into his, the friction caused sending shivers throughout my body. He moaned into my mouth as I did his at the contact our pelvis’ were having. Panting, we pulled back from each other and tried to catch our breaths. But neither of us let go. I leaned my forehead to his and he lifted me under my arms and placed me beside him.

I suddenly felt extremely guilty. I knew the problems he was having with Bella. He and I were friends. And I just took advantage.

Once I could breathe and speak normally, I looked at my hands in my lap and said, “Z, I am so sorry.” It was all I could get out before a lump rose in my throat. I felt the tears forming in my eyes, so I quickly got up and ran out of the center as fast as my legs would carry me. I ran full speed straight to my room and collapsed against the back of the closed door.

I wasn’t sorry, honestly. I wanted him. But I didn’t want to be his second choice and I certainly did not want to pounce on him when he was vulnerable.

Even though it was morning, I climbed into bed and cried myself to sleep. I stayed in my room the entire day, having Fritz bringing meals to me. I couldn’t bare the thought of running into him.

I was stronger than this. He is a male, just a male. He was my friend. After contemplating it all day, I decided that I would return to the training center, apologize to him, smack him up side the head and we could continue on as if nothing had happened. Yeah, that’s how this will go. Sounds like a great plan...in my head.

Chapter 8

Zsadist

I pick Payne up and place her next to me. Needing a minute to process what is going on in my head. I rub my hands over my skull, knowing I need to talk to her about this. I look up and she is walking to the door. Well, more like running toward the door. She leaves me alone on the floor of the training center. I am hard and breathless and only wanting one thing. And that thing just walked out on me.

I stand and think about going after her. The idea comes and goes. I can’t do that. She left me, there must have been a reason. Yeah, there was a reason, she didn’t want me. I forced myself on her and she was just being a friend to me.

I curse myself and walk back to my bedroom as I walk straight into the shower not even acknowledging Bella in my room. I step into the shower and rub my face and head again trying to push the feeling of having Payne in my arms. I lean into the water and let it run all over me. Hopefully washing away this feeling I have. This… pain? A pain at not having her? I don’t know what it is but it is driving me crazy. The shower door opens and Bella is standing there fully dressed like she is about to go out.

I turn and look at her. Asking her, with my eyes, what she wanted “I am going out. Don’t know when I will be back.” She looks me up and down seeing that I am probably looking like the shit that I feel at the moment. “You okay Z?” I turn back to the water and nod while letting the water hit me more. “Okay, well if you need me, just call.” She eyes me for a few more moments and then closes the door and leaves.

I am feeling a lot better with Bella not being here. The whole idea that I have been apprehensive about coming to my own room shocks me. I haven’t wanted to come to my own room for weeks. I have been hiding out in the training center and stalking the halls while everyone slept. I have even been stalking the alleys when hunting just so I don’t have to come back to my room to see Bella. She always wants to talk and wants to ‘be there for me’ or some shit.

That is not what I need, I need to be alone. I need this time to myself to beat myself up for being a complete and total ass. I turn the water off and dress and pace around my room. I want to go to Payne and say I’m sorry for what I did. I want to go to her and satisfy my craving for her. I want to feel pain for the images I have been formulating at the sight and thought of her. I want all of this at the exact same moment. This is a sign that I am losing my mind.

I decide to just stay in my room and sulk like I do best. I call Wrath and cancel my hunting tonight. I know that if I go out I can get myself or someone else hurt. After a few hours I walk to the kitchen, grab an apple and then head back to my room.

The rest of the night was spent with me just obsessing over what I am going to do with Payne, what I want to do, and what I shouldn’t do. I sleep and hear Bella come in right before dawn. I sleep a few more hours and then head down to the training center. I have two apples and water and know I need to talk to Payne. I need to get past this and let us get back to our friendship. I am not going to lose the one person that effectively puts up with my shit.

I am working on my last apple when I see her come in. She looks amazing. I am trying to rein myself in but my mind gets lost in what my body wants. My body calls for her. I stand, throw away my last core and walk to the door of the training center. I don’t know what I am doing until after I have done it. I locked us in together. I have to have her so badly it hurts.

‘Mine.’ The word is spoken in my head and I accept it because I will take her and for a moment she will be mine. All rational thinking is thrown out of the window as I get close to her. I can smell her attraction and I grab her and kiss her. I show her with my mouth how badly I need to feel her.

Payne

The next day, with my new resolve in tact, I went to the training center with my head held high. He was already there, sitting on the bench, eating his apple. Watching his jaw clench as he chewed sent a shudder through me. I looked away from him, stood in the middle of the room and started stretching. In my peripheral vision, I saw him stand, throw out his apple core, go to the center door and lock it. Then he walked over to me.

Confusingly, I looked up at him, into his eyes. The fire was still there and my insides reacted. Praying to the Scribe Virgin he wouldn’t recognize my physical reaction, I took a deep breath and said, “Look, I’m sorry for yesterday, Z. I took advantage of your vulnerability and I am sorry for that. You are my friend. Let’s just forget it ever happened, true? And, uh....what’s up with locking the door?”

Suddenly, his hands were on my face and his mouth was attacking mine. I tried to pull back but he had my head in a vice grip. He started walking forward, forcing me to walk backward; until I went my back went hard into the wall. He placed his entire body to mine and I could feel him, hard, against my belly. He removed his hands from my face and snaked them down my neck, my shoulders, my arms. His lips then went to my neck and he kissed and tongued and nipped. My head tilted slightly on its own accord to give him better access and my hands went to the back of his head. Breathlessly, I was able to pant out, “Z, what are you doing?” His hands ran down my sides to my ass and he squeezed. He cupped my ass and lifted. My legs went around his waist and his cock was right where I wanted it to be. Only our clothes were in the way. His face came back to mine, our noses and foreheads touching. “I am not sorry for yesterday. I want you…to be inside of you.”

I let out a low growl and attacking his mouth this time, thrusting my tongue into his mouth. I nipped my tongue on his fang, so I ran my tongue on his lips before it retreated into his mouth again. My hands ran down his back and I began pulling at the back of his pants. Our mouths never stopped their intense assault. He stepped out of his pants and furiously worked on getting mine off. My legs rewrapped around his waist and he dipped his fingers between us. “You are so wet,” he said into my mouth. I replied, “Neem me,” take me, in the old language. With that his hand went to the wall next to my head to brace himself and he plunged into my core. I screamed out and he pulled almost all the way out of me before thrusting back in. The friction was insane and I could feel something building deep down in my belly. He was moaning and groaning into my mouth as he pushed and pulled himself in and out of me. My hips seemed to move involuntarily with the rhythm he was creating. His mouth went to my neck and he was nipping and kissing and he said I felt so good. My head tilted back slightly against the wall, forcing my chest into his. His other hand grasped my breast and pushed my sports bra up and he teased and pinched my nipple. “So fucking perfect,” he murmured. His mouth returned to my ear and he whispered, “come with me Payne. I want to feel you come.” His words seemed to be my undoing as my body convulsed, the walls surrounding him clenching tighter. I was only able to call out his name in barely a whisper. I grabbed hold of his back and dug my nails in as my core spasmed again and again. He pumped into me once, twice more and then I felt him still, releasing into me as he loudly whispered an “oh, fuck, Payne”. His mouth returned to mine, softly now, slowing running his tongue over my lips and kissing them softly.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled us both down to the mats, never disconnecting us. I laid my head on his chest as both of us tried to control our breathing. He ran his fingers up and down my back soothingly. “Wow,” we both seemed to say without uttering a word.

Chapter 9

Zsadist

Catching my breath as I let my hand run up and down Payne’s back, I think about what we just did. I have never had that great of a release before. It relaxed me, energized me, and even excited me again. I was laying on my back, the cold mats under me, and warm peaceful Payne above me. Normally, I would freak out at the thought of having someone above me, but with Payne, it doesn’t bother me. I would be more bothered if she left the nice warm cocoon that we had made.

My cock is still hard and still inside her warm wet core. I don’t ever want to leave this place. I, for once in this entire week, feel relaxed. Payne shifts slightly above me and it causes my cock to stand to attention even more. I push my legs up to give me some leverage and move my hips up slowly, to see what her reaction will be to me wanting to go again.

She moves, pushes her upper body up and grinds against me. “Again?” Her eyes connect with mine and the spark fires through my system. Those eyes of hers are dangerous. I wrap my arm around her hips to steady her as I rolled over, putting her on the mats and me on top of her.

“Yes again.” I ease out of her, only to ease my way back in. It was slow at first. I wanted to feel everything. The first time was too fast; it was amazing, but it was too fast. This time, I take her hands in mine and put them above her head. Then, making sure she kept them there, I let my fingers trail down the backs of her arms. Her skin so soft. I drop my head to her chest and nip at her collar bone. My hand find their way to her breasts, where I brush my thumb over the hardened nipples.

Since Bella was the only one I had really been with, I was still new to a lot of things. But, Payne…she was special. She reacted to everything. I could tell by her reactions what she liked and what she loved. Touching her breasts, she liked. Leaning my head down to her neck and grazing her skin with my fangs, she loved. She groaned at the back of her throat to the point when I felt the vibration on my lips. Her back arched up off the mats, drawing us even closer.

I take her hint and kiss and nip at her neck more while maneuvering my hands under her hips, gripping her ass. The energy builds up and I want to claw at her ass. I want to claw at all of her. I am overcome with the need to take her rough and savage. She is so perfect for that. She would let me know if it hurt; she would let me know if she liked it. And she would be able to take any pain that would be given.

Again, I take her hands in mine and keep them above her head, causing me to stretch over her. The tension goes straight to my cock and the angle changes. It becomes more intense and I move faster. Needing the added friction, I keep one hand on her wrists and the other on her hips as I plunge into her.

Gripping hard at her hips, I lose myself. “Payne, damn, you..so…FUCK!” I feel her walls clench around me and I am falling onto her, shuddering in release. I lay both of my hands on the side of her body, needing to feel her softness as I come back down from my high.

I have removed myself from her because I know that if I don’t we will be here all day. I am spent for the moment and I roll off of her, still catching my breath. “I didn’t plan for that to happen.” My mind finally kicking back in and yelling at me for taking advantage of Payne. I sit up and pull my pants back into place then look at her, hoping her face will tell me what she’s thinking.

Payne

The most amazing thing just happened to me, with the most amazing man I have ever met....and he is now sitting next to me, pulling on his pants and telling me he didn’t mean for it to happen. I can’t help the tears welling up in my eyes. I must have done something wrong. I must not be the beautiful, soft woman he wants. No, I am a warrior, who has hardened muscles and likes to spar and beat the shit out of punching bags.

What do I have to offer him? My self-esteem just took a huge punch in the stomach and I suddenly felt very raw. I adjusted my top and reached over to get my pants. As I was putting them on, I began to get angry yet I was only able to mutter to him, “I’m sorry you didn’t mean for it to happen. But I am not sorry it happened.” I looked over at him, clenching my jaw, trying to keep the tears from spilling over. “Don’t worry Z, I won’t tell anyone.” I got up and attempted to walk to the door with my head held high. But I felt like I had just been used. He can’t get it from Bella....so he took it from me. Well, he didn’t take it, I gave it to him. I unlocked the door and I know my posture was as slumped over as I felt.

We have just spent too much time together. The kiss the other day was just a natural response to adrenaline. This was in conjunction with that - just emotions overflowing. He had a lot going on with Bella, with his past. I looked up at the ceiling as I walked back to the west wing. Jesus I was so stupid. I just complicated his life even more. I wanted to go back to the gym and apologize.

Instead, I decided a little space was all we needed. I could forego my workouts for a few days. Give us both some time to clear our heads. I went into my room, undressed, and took a scalding hot shower in an attempt to wash off the filth that I had become.

Chapter 10

Zsadist

I walk into my bedroom after leaving Payne and the training center. I physically feel great. I want to go and run a marathon right now because I feel so good. I step into my room and Bella is there, sitting on the chair acting like she was waiting for me. She looks up from her book when she hears me. I walk in like nothing has changed.

“We need to talk.” The moment she says those words, I think ‘ok, I guess my secret doings in the training center aren’t so secret anymore’.

“About what?” I want to get this over with if that is what this is about. There is no use stringing Bella along when I obviously feel no remorse for what I just did. But it will hurt like hell to see the pain in Bella’s eyes if she were to know that I had sex with Payne.

“About yesterday. About how you were and how you have been.” She puts her book down. This is a sign that she has a lot to say. I rub my head and wait for what she has to say. “I thought giving you some leeway with our relationship would help, but it looks like it didn’t work. Don’t get me wrong I love what we have, but you are still stressed. I hate to see you so worked up over something that I know nothing about.” She stands and walks over to me. “I want to be there for you but you are shutting me out. Just talk to me, we can work this out together. You don’t have to take all of your pain and keep it inside of you.” She touches my chest and look into my eyes. “Remember when you wouldn’t let anyone touch you.” She then wrapped her arms around me and my breath caught for a moment but it soon went back to normal. “Remember when you wouldn’t let anyone hold you. We helped each other. You brought me back from my dark cave with the lesser and I brought you out of your own dark place. We have been through so much and all I want to do is be there for you. As long as you will have me, that is.” She leans back and catches my chin and holds my face steady as she stretches up and kisses me briefly. “Can you look me in the eye and tell me that we aren’t perfect for each other? That we don’t need to at least try and work this out.”

I want to yell at her, tell her to leave and never look back. I want her to realize what a piece of shit I am for breaking her heart, for not caring for her like she cares for me. But instead I shake my head “No, I can’t say that.” And that is the truth. I can’t tell her to her face that I think she deserves better and that I am ruining her life by even being in it. “See, let’s try this. Let’s really and truly see if we can work out our differences. Maybe request some time off from hunting and we can go out or something. I don’t know. All I know is that I want you to feel relaxed with me.” I almost laugh at that. The only one I feel relaxed around is Payne. With Bella I am watching every word I say and every action I make. She is from a higher class than me. She is more proper to the point where I just keep my mouth shut so that I don’t do say anything I shouldn’t.

“What are you saying? What do you want from me exactly?” She used all that female talk, I don’t understand what she wants. Does she want a relationship again or something like that. Females, you can never understand what they are saying.

“Let’s just spend some more time together, lets be open with each other.” I brush my hand over my skull. Spending more time together? I thought we were already spending too much time together. She wants me to cancel some rotations? Well, I guess that wouldn’t be hard since I am already going out on volunteer basis anyway. But to spend my whole day and night with Bella, it is like sitting in a pressure chamber and knowing that the oxygen will be shut off at any moment.

“Okay. Fine. But I need to shower before this whole ‘time together’ gets underway.” Thinking about the fact that I have the smell of Payne all over me and needing to wash it off before that becomes a topic of conversation. Not something I want to do right now. She smiles at me like she just won the greatest prize of her life. “Yes, go shower. You actually, kind of, stink. You must have been hitting the mats pretty hard.” She brushes her hand on my arm and goes to sit back down with her book. I lower my head to hide my smirk, thinking about how hard I was hitting the mats.

My shower is quick and to the point. Not wanting to spend too much time in there or my mind will wonder to images of Payne and that is not a good idea when another female is waiting for me. I walk back out to the bedroom after getting dressed. I see Bella sitting on the chair again but she has changed clothes. She is wearing a bright red negligee that causes me to stop dead in the door way. “What do you have on?” It the only thing that can come out of my mouth as I am struck stupid at the sight. Any male, no matter how he feels for the female would find this to be the hottest thing he had seen in a while.

Bella lifts her head up and just smirks at me. “Oh this old thing? I just thought I could help you relax.” She says as she stands and walks over to me. She is also wearing a garter belt that was hidden while she was seated. My mouth waters at the thought. I look back up to her face and instead of seeing Bella’s face, I see Payne’s. I close my eyes quickly and shake my head slightly then re-open my eyes to see Bella again. She smiles at me. “How about you go and sit down on the bed. I need to take care of you.”

I do as I’m told, not wanting to argue with her. I am just worried that things won’t work like they should and then I will be stuck with having to tell Bella that it isn’t going to happen tonight. Bella starts doing some kind of sexy strip dance while she is trying to pull off the few cloths I had on. But I can’t even concentrate my mind races with images of Payne and how easy it was to come with her.

Before I know it, Bella is climbing on top of me and mounting my already hard cock. I lay back and let her do her thing, thanking my cock for at least being into this. I know my head is in the completely wrong place and I hate it. I look up at Bella and see Payne again. This time my cock twitches at the sight. I keep my eyes open, taking in this hallucination for all its worth. My body starts tingling at the sight of her. The face is perfect, like I have memorized every line and every curve. I grab her hips and grind her against me, groaning at the contact.

I can’t take it anymore. I need to be above her, pounding into her, letting her know what she does to me. I quickly flip us over and I plunge deep into her. Hearing a ragged moan escape her, I grab her hair in my hand and pull it back. She reflexively reaches for my hand to release her hair, but I don’t. My other hand grabs at her chin, holding her head still. I pound into her, wanting to hear her to call out my name in ecstasy.

She calls out my name but it is muffled and more of a plea then an actual pleasure. I brush it off and keep going. She squirms under me and I take the time to hold her down with my weight. I pull on her hair a little more then look down into her eyes. Payne’s eyes. Those white and blue eyes. “Have you been a bad girl?” totally caught up in the moment, wanting to hear her give everything to me, wanting to dominate her on so many levels.

"Yes,” is what she mumbles as I smile down at her.

“That is what I like to hear.” I lean back, removing myself from her and flipping her onto her stomach. I quickly and painfully smack her ass. I know it stings because she convulses on the bed and the pain in my hand is like someone lit a blow torch to it. I love the pain. The feeling of it makes me even harder. I quickly dive back into her. Filling her at a different angle and taking her hair in my hand again. This time I can pull more and pull harder then before. I pump into her a few times and get lost in the sensation and reach my point of no return. I release her hair and uncontrollably give myself to her. Convulsing on top of her as I finish is the most amazing feeling I have ever had.

I have never done anything like that before but it felt so damn good. It felt real, it felt awe inspiring, it felt like Payne feels to me. I remove myself and fall to her side. I look down and my hallucination is gone, Bella is back. But something is wrong she hasn’t moved at all. She hasn’t curled up to me, she is just quietly breathing. Is she asleep? I move around her and look at her face as tears are falling down. I go into what-the-fuck mode and brush her hair back, not knowing what to do.

“Bella? What is wrong?” Thinking back to what we just did. She wanted me to. She said yes. She called out my name once, she wanted it.

“This is what you need to relax?” She says through strained breath. She is holding back all the tears so that I don’t see them. She is doing this for me and it fucking kills.

I try to scoop her up in my arms but she refuses. I sit there for a moment not knowing what to do. “I don’t know what I need. It just happened. You said yes, you wanted me to. I…” I didn’t know what to say. I try and scoop her up in my arms again and this time she allows me. I hold her to me, brushing her hair back. “I am more sorry then you will ever even imagine. I have never wanted to hurt even a hair on your head.”

She sniffles against my chest and nods. “I know, which is why I am not mad, I am just shocked. I didn’t know that is what you needed.” She curls into me and I hold her close. Cursing myself for what I had just done. “I don’t know if I can do that again. It is too much for me right now.” She whispers to me.

“I completely understand. I won’t even ask you to do that again.” I sit on the bed just holding her until her breath becomes quieted. I sit in the dark and think about what I just did. I know that if I had been with Payne, things would have been different. She would have been different. She would of told me that instant something was wrong or probably would of slapped me back. That idea brought a smile to my face as I thought about Payne, wondering what she is doing right now.