Chapter 10

Zsadist

I walk into my bedroom after leaving Payne and the training center. I physically feel great. I want to go and run a marathon right now because I feel so good. I step into my room and Bella is there, sitting on the chair acting like she was waiting for me. She looks up from her book when she hears me. I walk in like nothing has changed.

“We need to talk.” The moment she says those words, I think ‘ok, I guess my secret doings in the training center aren’t so secret anymore’.

“About what?” I want to get this over with if that is what this is about. There is no use stringing Bella along when I obviously feel no remorse for what I just did. But it will hurt like hell to see the pain in Bella’s eyes if she were to know that I had sex with Payne.

“About yesterday. About how you were and how you have been.” She puts her book down. This is a sign that she has a lot to say. I rub my head and wait for what she has to say. “I thought giving you some leeway with our relationship would help, but it looks like it didn’t work. Don’t get me wrong I love what we have, but you are still stressed. I hate to see you so worked up over something that I know nothing about.” She stands and walks over to me. “I want to be there for you but you are shutting me out. Just talk to me, we can work this out together. You don’t have to take all of your pain and keep it inside of you.” She touches my chest and look into my eyes. “Remember when you wouldn’t let anyone touch you.” She then wrapped her arms around me and my breath caught for a moment but it soon went back to normal. “Remember when you wouldn’t let anyone hold you. We helped each other. You brought me back from my dark cave with the lesser and I brought you out of your own dark place. We have been through so much and all I want to do is be there for you. As long as you will have me, that is.” She leans back and catches my chin and holds my face steady as she stretches up and kisses me briefly. “Can you look me in the eye and tell me that we aren’t perfect for each other? That we don’t need to at least try and work this out.”

I want to yell at her, tell her to leave and never look back. I want her to realize what a piece of shit I am for breaking her heart, for not caring for her like she cares for me. But instead I shake my head “No, I can’t say that.” And that is the truth. I can’t tell her to her face that I think she deserves better and that I am ruining her life by even being in it. “See, let’s try this. Let’s really and truly see if we can work out our differences. Maybe request some time off from hunting and we can go out or something. I don’t know. All I know is that I want you to feel relaxed with me.” I almost laugh at that. The only one I feel relaxed around is Payne. With Bella I am watching every word I say and every action I make. She is from a higher class than me. She is more proper to the point where I just keep my mouth shut so that I don’t do say anything I shouldn’t.

“What are you saying? What do you want from me exactly?” She used all that female talk, I don’t understand what she wants. Does she want a relationship again or something like that. Females, you can never understand what they are saying.

“Let’s just spend some more time together, lets be open with each other.” I brush my hand over my skull. Spending more time together? I thought we were already spending too much time together. She wants me to cancel some rotations? Well, I guess that wouldn’t be hard since I am already going out on volunteer basis anyway. But to spend my whole day and night with Bella, it is like sitting in a pressure chamber and knowing that the oxygen will be shut off at any moment.

“Okay. Fine. But I need to shower before this whole ‘time together’ gets underway.” Thinking about the fact that I have the smell of Payne all over me and needing to wash it off before that becomes a topic of conversation. Not something I want to do right now. She smiles at me like she just won the greatest prize of her life. “Yes, go shower. You actually, kind of, stink. You must have been hitting the mats pretty hard.” She brushes her hand on my arm and goes to sit back down with her book. I lower my head to hide my smirk, thinking about how hard I was hitting the mats.

My shower is quick and to the point. Not wanting to spend too much time in there or my mind will wonder to images of Payne and that is not a good idea when another female is waiting for me. I walk back out to the bedroom after getting dressed. I see Bella sitting on the chair again but she has changed clothes. She is wearing a bright red negligee that causes me to stop dead in the door way. “What do you have on?” It the only thing that can come out of my mouth as I am struck stupid at the sight. Any male, no matter how he feels for the female would find this to be the hottest thing he had seen in a while.

Bella lifts her head up and just smirks at me. “Oh this old thing? I just thought I could help you relax.” She says as she stands and walks over to me. She is also wearing a garter belt that was hidden while she was seated. My mouth waters at the thought. I look back up to her face and instead of seeing Bella’s face, I see Payne’s. I close my eyes quickly and shake my head slightly then re-open my eyes to see Bella again. She smiles at me. “How about you go and sit down on the bed. I need to take care of you.”

I do as I’m told, not wanting to argue with her. I am just worried that things won’t work like they should and then I will be stuck with having to tell Bella that it isn’t going to happen tonight. Bella starts doing some kind of sexy strip dance while she is trying to pull off the few cloths I had on. But I can’t even concentrate my mind races with images of Payne and how easy it was to come with her.

Before I know it, Bella is climbing on top of me and mounting my already hard cock. I lay back and let her do her thing, thanking my cock for at least being into this. I know my head is in the completely wrong place and I hate it. I look up at Bella and see Payne again. This time my cock twitches at the sight. I keep my eyes open, taking in this hallucination for all its worth. My body starts tingling at the sight of her. The face is perfect, like I have memorized every line and every curve. I grab her hips and grind her against me, groaning at the contact.

I can’t take it anymore. I need to be above her, pounding into her, letting her know what she does to me. I quickly flip us over and I plunge deep into her. Hearing a ragged moan escape her, I grab her hair in my hand and pull it back. She reflexively reaches for my hand to release her hair, but I don’t. My other hand grabs at her chin, holding her head still. I pound into her, wanting to hear her to call out my name in ecstasy.

She calls out my name but it is muffled and more of a plea then an actual pleasure. I brush it off and keep going. She squirms under me and I take the time to hold her down with my weight. I pull on her hair a little more then look down into her eyes. Payne’s eyes. Those white and blue eyes. “Have you been a bad girl?” totally caught up in the moment, wanting to hear her give everything to me, wanting to dominate her on so many levels.

"Yes,” is what she mumbles as I smile down at her.

“That is what I like to hear.” I lean back, removing myself from her and flipping her onto her stomach. I quickly and painfully smack her ass. I know it stings because she convulses on the bed and the pain in my hand is like someone lit a blow torch to it. I love the pain. The feeling of it makes me even harder. I quickly dive back into her. Filling her at a different angle and taking her hair in my hand again. This time I can pull more and pull harder then before. I pump into her a few times and get lost in the sensation and reach my point of no return. I release her hair and uncontrollably give myself to her. Convulsing on top of her as I finish is the most amazing feeling I have ever had.

I have never done anything like that before but it felt so damn good. It felt real, it felt awe inspiring, it felt like Payne feels to me. I remove myself and fall to her side. I look down and my hallucination is gone, Bella is back. But something is wrong she hasn’t moved at all. She hasn’t curled up to me, she is just quietly breathing. Is she asleep? I move around her and look at her face as tears are falling down. I go into what-the-fuck mode and brush her hair back, not knowing what to do.

“Bella? What is wrong?” Thinking back to what we just did. She wanted me to. She said yes. She called out my name once, she wanted it.

“This is what you need to relax?” She says through strained breath. She is holding back all the tears so that I don’t see them. She is doing this for me and it fucking kills.

I try to scoop her up in my arms but she refuses. I sit there for a moment not knowing what to do. “I don’t know what I need. It just happened. You said yes, you wanted me to. I…” I didn’t know what to say. I try and scoop her up in my arms again and this time she allows me. I hold her to me, brushing her hair back. “I am more sorry then you will ever even imagine. I have never wanted to hurt even a hair on your head.”

She sniffles against my chest and nods. “I know, which is why I am not mad, I am just shocked. I didn’t know that is what you needed.” She curls into me and I hold her close. Cursing myself for what I had just done. “I don’t know if I can do that again. It is too much for me right now.” She whispers to me.

“I completely understand. I won’t even ask you to do that again.” I sit on the bed just holding her until her breath becomes quieted. I sit in the dark and think about what I just did. I know that if I had been with Payne, things would have been different. She would have been different. She would of told me that instant something was wrong or probably would of slapped me back. That idea brought a smile to my face as I thought about Payne, wondering what she is doing right now.