Chapter 6

Zsadist

I walk up to my room, not realizing I am doing it until I am standing in front of my door. Being preoccupied with thoughts of what I did to Payne running rampant in my brain. Cursing under my breath, I know that Bella will be waking up at any moment, and it makes me want to turn back around. I rub my hand through my skull-trimmed hair and open the door. Entering quietly but then seeing her sit up, still groggy, like she had just woken. She is the most beautiful creature that has graced my bed. I still find her attractive; I still grow excited at the though of taking and giving her blood, but I can’t see myself in her life. The whole idea that she should be with someone better then me is still plaguing my mind.

“Good morning.” I say as I close the door behind me. I walk over to the bed and sit down by her side. Instinctively brushing her hair behind her ear and letting my fingers trail down the side of her face as my hand falls. She smiles up at me and takes my hand in hers.

“You going out tonight, hunting?” the smile drops slightly on her face as she asks me. I see the slight difference in her words and it hurts to know that I cause her that pain.
Knowing that I need to make things right, I need to decide what I am going to do with my life. Should I send Bella packing and forever be the ‘scary’ one and let Bella have the life that I know she deserves? Or, should I let her pick? Should I let her choose her own destiny? Would she choose right and leave me like I know she needs to? A part of me doesn’t think so and I am torn with that to do.

“Yes, I am on the schedule again. I know it has been a lot recently, but things will get better soon.” I don’t want to give her false hope but she deserves to think ahead to her future, the future that is better for her. “Are you hungry? We can head down to the kitchen. I smelled them cooking up something good down there.” I don’t want to spend too much time in this room because I will grow hard at the sight of her; it is biology. She looks surprised at my offer. “You mean together?” she is genuinely skeptical. Like she doesn’t think I would want to eat with her? I am truly taken aback. I scoot closer to her, taking her head in my hands while looking deep into her eyes.

“Yes. Me and you. Breakfast in the kitchen.” Briefly kissing her lips and lowing my hands. Knowing that kissing her isn’t the best decision I have made, but we are still close even if my shit isn’t together. “Now get dressed. I am starved.”


I stand and move to the other side of the bed as I get a clean shirt to put on while Bella gets changed into something other than the tank top and pajama bottoms she is currently wearing. She is ready in seconds and I take her hand and we walk down to the kitchen.

The doggen scurry down their stairs and leave just me, Bella and Fritz. “Sire, what can I prepare for you today?” The doggen is the most loyal male that I have seen. His overzealous way of taking care of everyone can get on my nerves, but I know he means well. I shake my head at him and he knows I want some time alone. He doesn’t push me like he might push others. Bella looked upset that I dismissed him so easily. “What? I can make you food and I don’t like being waited on.” Taking her hand I lead her over to the counter next to the fridge. I pick Bella up and place her on the counter top and I turn to the fridge. “Are you in the mood for anything in particular?”

Bella sits there, smiling and kicking her legs like a school girl. It brings a smirk to my lips - her being care free. This is the type of female she needs to be all of the time. Not the female that I have made her be - quiet, calculating, timid. “Anything is fine with me.” I poke my head into the fridge, seeing a fruit plate and a huge assortment of dinner items.

“Breakfast? Or lunch?” I had to ask because knowing me I would feed her the one thing she didn’t want.

“Breakfast.” She answers me with a smile and kicks her legs more. I take out the fruit plate and place it on the adjacent counter. I eye the tray, only picking the best piece of fruit for Bella. I bring the fruit to her mouth, wanting to see her eat. She opens her mouth and I place a strawberry on her tongue. I try to pull away quickly but she licks my fingers and then grabs my hand, holding it in place as she sucks the juice off of my fingers.

The whole sight is making my mouth water and my cock growing hard in my pants. Once she has cleaned off every drop, she releases my hand and I pant at the assault of her mouth on my fingers. Instantly the thought of Payne floods my brain. I shake my head to rid myself of the images but it doesn’t work. I push past them and look at Bella as she is waiting for me to make the next move.

“Bella, I guess you really were hungry.” I reach over and pick up another piece of strawberry off the plate and bring it to her mouth again. She takes that piece and nods while smiling at me.

“There is something else I have been hungry for too.” She stares me down as I start planning what I am going to do to get out of this. All I wanted was to show her that I am not the male she needs but instead she has taken this as a show of my imaginary affection.

I know I have to push this off as just a stray comment that will be forgotten. “You need to eat.” I make a bowl of cereal for her and place it in her hands, wanting to see her eat. I grab an apple and chew on it while thinking about what to do next.

“What did I do wrong? Why are you like this? It wasn’t this way when we were together in the beginning. Am I not attractive enough for you?” Bella speaks and the words shock me. I want to force some sense into her but find it hard to tell her exactly what is going on.

“No, you are very attractive.” I push my hand over my head again as I try and think of a way to dance around these questions. “I have just been very busy with hunting. I’m sorry. I can’t…” not knowing what else to say to her. I just stand and look at her. I can see the tears start to well up in her eyes. I curse myself and lower my head in disgrace for how much pain I cause her.

“You are my everything. All I have ever wanted was you. All I have ever cared about was you.” She jumps off the counter and comes to me, pushing my head up to look at her. I see the tears start to run down her cheek and I push one away with my thumb. “But I also know that you don’t talk about what is on your mind. You have been distant from me for a while now. I have noticed.” She lowers her hand and stares at me. “You aren’t going to bond with me, I know it. It would have happened already. And after thinking about it, I have accepted it. I am just having fun right now. We are fun. I am not asking for anything from you, just your attention.” She puts her hands on her hips and looks at me more questioningly. “Now, are you going to take me bed or aren’t you?”

Her question catches me off guard. She has let me off the hook, so to speak. She has just changed our relationship from mates to… what? Just bed mates? The whole idea of our new situation jump starts my brain and my dick.

“So what does that make us?” Needing to hear her say the words; I need to know that we are on the same page. The idea is freeing to me. Not being tied down by someone, to someone. Not being their one and only that has to answer the where? when? how? to everything and anything I do.

Bella shrugs like she hasn’t thought that far into things. “Well, we are room mates, fuck buddies of sorts.” Hearing the words gets me going. I think this may be what can help get me past the block I have had with Bella. The block in my brain that has stopped me from finishing any task of sex that we have. The whole idea of being ‘free’ energizes me.

I pick Bella up in my arms and take her to our room. I ravage her seven ways from Sunday. I make her orgasm multiple times and even though I am hard and shaking with a need for physical release, I am without completion. I try and try and nothing. Bella even goes down me, and nothing. She collapses on the bed, fully and completely sated.

I hear her slow, even breathing and sneak off the bed as I go to the bathroom. There is only one place that brings me to finish. I turn on the shower - scalding, hot water and step under the spray. The sting is what helps me. The feeling of burning hot liquid hitting me and running down my back and front, fully covering me, is what breaks the block. I place a hand on the cold shower wall and another hand goes down to my throbbing hard cock. I start to stroke it, enjoying the feel of the water running down me, burning me. I tighten my grip and start to move my hand back and forth. I pump myself staring at the tiled floor of the shower.

Suddenly the image of Payne comes to mind. I suddenly stop what I am doing and try to push the thought away but it stays. I am so strung out with need to finish that I picture Payne laying out on my bed. I see myself climbing up and looming over her. My hand goes to back my cock and continues to pump it. I imagine what it would be like to be inside that beautiful warrior and it causes me to squirt a stream of hot come out of my hard shaft. I keep pumping myself, not even close to being completely done. I see the same images of Payne but this time, she is above me, riding me. I imagine what her perfect breasts would look like and I am lost. I hold my weight up as I lose myself in images of her.

After the shudders build and subside inside of me, I come back to reality. I feel the sting of the shower again, not realizing it faded until it comes back. I turn some cold water on to help with the pain and look down at the mess I have created. Shocked to see such a massive amount of white on the bottom of the shower stall, I quickly wash it down the drain. I finish washing myself and then towel off and head back into the bedroom. Thankful to see Bella still asleep, I go into the closet and dress for hunting.
________

The next day I walk down to the training center as always. Seeing Payne on the treadmill, I jump on the one next to hers and start jogging.

“Hey Princess, your nose better?” I know I need to lighten the mood between us. It has gotten way to serious and calculating and I need some stress to be alleviated and this is great enough place than any.

“Doing good. Thanks for asking, Fuckhead.”

I smirk at her antics and get into my rhythm on the treadmill. She occasionally glances my way but I just keep moving in tune with my body.

After a few minutes, she finally says what is on her mind. “So, what has been up with you recently?”

She happens to choose the one thing I don’t want to talk about. I keep jogging and try to ignore her, but I know that if I don’t approach it now then it will always be in the back of her mind. I slow the treadmill down to a fast walk and start opening myself to her. “It has a lot to do with me and Bella. You know Bella, my… girlfriend, I guess you would call her.” I try and stick with the basics, not going into much detail but Payne is a tough person and needs to know everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything. She grills me about details with our relationship, or lack thereof, and even our non-existent sex.

It feels good to get these things off my chest and to really be open with someone. After talking and discussing my life in a nut-shell, I turn on the sound system in the gym. I decided it would be good to show Payne our circuit and how to actually use it. I showed her how to use the different weight machines and how to get a different workout by only changing one thing. We joke and she punches me for teasing her. It makes me smile. For the first time in a long while, I am having a genuinely good time. I feel more open with Payne then I have with anyone, even Bella.

We both find that we spent more time in the gym then we could afford so we made plans to meet again the next day. It was becoming a regular thing and I was starting to like it. She was really becoming a friend to me. Maybe female friends are what I was missing. I was close to my brothers but not this close.

Payne

After the pop in the nose, Z and I decided to take a breather on the sparring. He did say he would be back to workout. I couldn’t believe I asked him that....the words were out before my brain could stop them. Honestly, at this point, I didn’t care what we did - spar or just work out, as long as I could be with him. I was finding that I just enjoyed his company. I couldn’t deny the smile that graced my face when he came in and got on the treadmill next to me. I was glad he lightened the mood by calling me Princess, so I gave it right back with my pet name for him. But I couldn’t let go that something was eating him up inside.

I was slightly surprised when he slowed his treadmill to a walk, but I did the same. I was even more surprised when he really did start talking. He opened up to me about his past, and present, and I found myself telling him thoughts that I never spoke aloud before.

After the treadmills, he showed me and worked with me on the machines, alternating reps. He would spot me on the free weights and the bench press. We would toss the medicine ball back and forth and all the while, just talk.

I tried understanding how his past haunted him and how it affected his relationship with Bella. He seemed to need more from Bella, more intensity, more passion. They had been together such a short period of time….how could that have fizzled already? He saw himself as this lower class citizen, while she was a member of the glymera. I know Bella didn’t view him that way otherwise she wouldn’t want to be with him. He didn’t see himself clearly at all. He was strong, inside and out; he was handsome. He thought he was weak on the inside because of his illiteracy and inability to deal with his past. The scars and tattoos served as his ugly on the outside. He felt he was to blame for what happened to him.

To me, it all made him the man he is today. A warrior. A Brother. He survived an unimaginable ordeal. How could he not be strong? Obviously he had issues. That’s why I call him Fuckhead. He only sees one side…the black side. He doesn’t attempt to view things from the white side….that the ordeal he survived made him strong. Dealing with his illiteracy takes courage. The scars and the tattoos are sexy. These are not words he uses to describe himself. Like I said, he doesn’t see himself clearly at all. At first it was hard for me to talk with him like this, like a Brother, like a friend, because I felt so attracted to him. The spark is still there, every time he touches my skin…and getting to know him has only ignited my feelings more intensely. But I keep them at bay as his friendship has become more important to me. I have come to have the utmost respect for him. And verily, I need him as much as he needs me. Not just to workout with, but to talk to. I can’t seem to make a connection with the other females in the house. They have no idea what it is like to have warrior blood running through them. They are not able to comprehend that I would rather spar than shop. Z gets this about me and it doesn’t seem to bother him that I am female. Maybe a male friend was what I was missing.