Chapter 12

Zsadist

The next day, I walk down to the training center and Payne isn’t there. I want to talk to her. Clear the air. After such a good night’s sleep, I woke with a new lease on life. I don’t want Payne to think that since we did what we did, it doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends. I don’t want to lose her friendship just because I can’t keep it in my pants.

I walk back up to the main house and almost run right into Mary in the hall. I throw my hands up and side step around her. “Oh…sorry.” I start to walk away, almost relieved that she didn’t start talking to me. That is, until I hear her call after me.

“Z, wait up.” She takes the three steps to me and stops right next to me. “I need to talk to you.” I curse at the thought. I am not in the mood to talk about Bella or anything that has to do with Bella.

“Talking isn’t one of my strong suits.” Maybe if I used the Scary Z front, she will drop it and I can go about my day. Mary puts her hands on her hips, looks like she isn’t going anywhere.

“Don’t use that ‘I’m a big bad warrior’ crap on me. Ask Rhage, it doesn’t work with me.” She leans closer and whispers to me. “We need to talk, now.”

I cross my arms over my chest, putting up a sort of barrier so that Mary doesn’t cross it.
“What is there to say? I am guessing this is about Bella and what is done is done.”

Mary stands there, huffs with frustration, then grabs my hand out from my arms and starts pulling toward the library. I almost stop her, but I definitely don’t want the females against me. I reluctantly walk into the one room that I have never been in before. You usually don’t find an illiterate male spending his spare time in a library.

Mary turns, closes the door then turns back to me. “Okay, what the hell is going on? Bella has been hysterical all night, not even I could calm her down. She said you forced her to move out?” Mary seems pretty livid at this point.

“What?” I am taken back by what she said. “I didn’t force her to do anything. She was the one that wanted to leave. She asked me if I thought it was good idea to move to another room. What was I going to say, ‘No, stay here.’? We didn’t work out; I tried. I realized that I was just stringing her along when she should have the opportunity to be with someone else, not someone like me.” I lower my head thinking about the pain I have caused. “I never wanted to hurt her. I just know that if I kept this going any longer then it would have hurt her even more. She deserves someone better than me.”

Mary walks up to me and tries to catch my eyes, making sure not to touch me. I appreciate the effort, so I lift my head. “You did good by listening to your feelings. I know you had Bella’s best interest in heart. I just have never seen her this way.” Mary the Therapist at your service.

I take both of my hands and rub them over my skull. “She thinks she loves me. That is what this is all about. She thinks I am her IT, her one and only. I’m not and she just hasn’t realized it yet.”

Mary starts pacing the room with her hands in her pockets. “I never thought… I know she cared deeply for you, but she never even hinted to me that you were anything more then just someone she deeply cared about.”

I nod and go back to looking at the carpet. “She told me a few days ago. I really tried to make things work with us. It just isn’t right. It doesn’t feel right. It will never feel right.” I shake my head at the thought of Bella and her crying because of me.

Mary stops her pacing and comes to me. “Hey, I don’t want you to feel like this is your fault. I just wanted to hear your side of the story. Bella can be, well, Bella. I just didn’t want to think that you forced her out of your room when you really tried as much as you could to make things work.” Mary laid a hand on my arm briefly. “Don’t beat yourself up about this. It isn’t your fault.”

Hearing Mary say those words, it makes me think about Payne. Oh, how I need to talk to Payne, I need to clear the air with her. I nod at Mary. “Well, I have to go and get some things taken care of. So, we good?”

Mary steps back and signals to the door. “We’re good.” I nod toward her and head out the door, walking up the stairs. I was about to head back to my room, but I knew I needed to give Wrath an update on my schedule.

I walk toward Wrath’s office and the door is closed. Normally that is a sign not to mess with him. I also hear him yelling, but the conversation is one sided. He is probably on the phone. I turn and take my first step toward my room when the office door opens. Beth is about to walk out when she sees me. She looks me up and down and then smiles at me. A smile used to hide the anger.

“Oh Z. Just the man we were looking for.” She pushed the door open further and signaled me to come in. “Come in… We won’t bite.” She says with distain in her voice. Oh, this can’t be good.

I reluctantly walk in and take a seat on the chair while Wrath finishes his phone call. Beth sits in the other chair and just smiles at me.

“So, Z, how have you been?” I glance at her briefly, then shift my eyes on the ground. I have always liked Beth; how she stays out of shit. But, at this moment I wish I could tell her to shut up. I know that if I want to keep my head in tact, I better keep my mouth shut.

“Fine.” I say and then watch Wrath put the phone down and rub his head.

“Fucking Glymera.” Wrath keeps rubbing his head and then straightens his back and look at me. “So, Z. Whats doin’?”

I glance up at him to gauge his temper today. I really don’t want him flying off the handle at me. I can take care of myself; it just always makes things a lot worse when we get into it. “Just wanted to stop by and give you my revised schedule.”

Beth sits there and snorts. “Revised. You must have a lot more free time now.” I instinctively turn to her, wanting to go off and tell her it isn’t what she thinks. I know she is talking about Bella, hell, everyone is talking about Bella today. It is driving me up the fucking wall.

Wrath looked at his mate. “Leelan, not now. Me and Z had an agreement.” Wrath turns back to me. “What is your schedule?”

I lower my head, knowing the shit is going to hit the fan but knowing that no matter what, I will take anything Beth throws at me. “I would like to be put on a regular rotation like the other brothers.” I glance up at Wrath and he looks accepting. Not necessarily pleased, but accepting of what I have done.

I turn and see Beth stand and throw her hands up. “What the hell is wrong with you? You were out hunting almost every night when Bella was with you and now you want to go on a standard rotation? Bella was right, you did kick her out! What the hell is wrong with you?” Beth looked hysterical with rage at me.

Wrath stands up and looks at Beth. “Leelan.” He says in a stern voice and Beth jumps and then looks at Wrath. “We have talked about this.”

Beth’s rage has decreased slightly. She looks compassionately at Wrath. “Yes, but that was before me and Bella…”

Wrath interrupts her, “Nothing has changed.” Wrath sits down and Beth sits down in her chair again. She fiddles with her fingers and then looks at me.

“I’m sorry Z, I guess I just don’t understand.” She looks at me and I see the sadness in her eyes. She doesn’t want anyone to be upset in her house. She is such a caring soul and I hate to hurt any of the females in the house because of what is happening. “Well, in a nut-shell...” I have to clear things up, even if I go over and over the same thing until I am blue in the face. I cover all the major problems and Wrath just sits and listens. Beth is the one whose emotions are out there for the world to read. She goes from confused, to upset, to accepting.

“I didn’t know. You always keep everything so hidden. When Bella told me… she never even saw this coming. I… I’m sorry I flew off the handle. You needed to talk to someone about this. You don’t need to keep your problems bottled up.” When Beth says that, I think about Payne again and how I can talk to her freely.

I nod toward Beth and then look at Wrath. “Are we good here?” He nods to me and I stand and walk out. I stop by the door and turn back. “Hey Beth.” She looks up at me, a look of acceptance again on her face. “Thank you for taking care of Bella for me. She needed someone other than me…so thanks.”

Beth puts her hand on her chest and smiles at me. “Any time Z.” I nod and walk out the door and toward my own room. I close myself in, breathing easy. I smell something different. I go to my sheets and they smell like clean laundry, not the smell of Bella that plagued me all night. I ease onto the bed and feel relieved. That is when I hear a knock at my door.

I stand and hope like hell it isn’t another female coming to yell at me. I open the door and see her. Payne is standing on the other side of my door. The perfect keeper of my dreams is looking at me like she was just caught with her hand in the cookie jar.